Is Technology Killing Chivalry?
On our drive home from the office the other night, while driving through a residential neighborhood in the pouring rain, I came to the embarrassing and distressing realization that we were completely out of gas. I hurried to try to reach the gas station that was less than a mile away when the car began to sputter and we were left motionless on the side of the road. I used my GPS-enabled iPhone to call AAA and give them the exact location of our car. They informed me that the wait would be about 45 minutes and my wife, my 7-month old daughter, and my 3-year old daughter began a long, uncomfortable wait with me.
My wife and I both knew that there was a gas station less than a ½ mile away. She quickly pointed out to me that before technology, I would have gotten out of the car and walked in the rain to be a “knight in shining armor” to her and our two daughters. Instead, there I sat, breathing the stale air of a disabled automobile, ashamed for not checking the gas and leaving my family stranded for 45 minutes while we wait on a tow truck driver to be the hero for my family.
This got me thinking. Has technology killed the chivalrous man?
I asked some female friends and colleagues if they felt the same way, and got some interesting stories:
- Rather than a card and flowers, my friend Amanda recently got a simple text message from her boyfriend that read, “Happy Valentine’s Day!”
- Rachel noted that since buying a car with remote door locks six years ago, her husband has not opened the car door for her even once.
- Ashley recently went on a first date with a guy who “poked” her on an Internet dating site. When he arrived at her apartment he called from his cell phone to let her know he was downstairs waiting for her in his car.
- Melanie says that she and her husband had a long standing tradition of going out to dinner and a movie every Friday night, but in the 6-months since her husband discovered On-Demand movies on cable, the routine has turned into leftovers and a movie on the couch much to her dismay.
For the record, I don’t think I was non-chivalrous by not walking ½ mile in the rain. I think I made the smart and logical choice. Personally, I’m not sure that technology has killed chivalry; I think that technology just gives some men an excuse to let it fade away.
Written by Mike HarrisLast 3 posts by MichaelAHarris
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Tags: Cell Phones, facebook, Global Positioning System, iPhone, Mobile phone, Text messaging, Twitter
May 27th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I, for one, am perfectly happy to let chivalry die away. I have had men open car doors for me and I tell them I am perfectly capable of doing so. Holding the door at a restaurant or something? Alright, that’s one thing. But I do that with women, old men, children, whomever seems to need a door opened for them.
Personally, the sooner chivalry goes the way of the dodo, the better. It’s one more thing standing in the way of women actually being seen as equal.
Teresa
(Note: I also don’t believe that there should be things like Women’s Studies or Feminism classes, or special treatment because not many women go into technology, for example.)
May 28th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Chivalry isn’t all we’re losing, I think. I do love all the advantages offered us by technology, but as much as we are gaining because of it, we are losing, too. Alas, it is easier to isolate ourselves from the world around us. I can be fully entertained for a whole day without peering upon another human likeness in the privacy of my own home watching TV, chatting on-line, playing computer games (even games that used to require a partner or competitor) or just surfing for jokes, info or whatnot.
Not only are we losing the warmth of the many interactions which used to be required to complete our day, but we, couch potatoes, and there are many more of us these days, are missing out on precious time to learn, practice and fine tune our use and understanding of oral communication, body language, influence, manners, common sense and general “people skills.”
On the whole, it seems, we are also in the worst shape (fitness-wise) today in America. Sadly, technology has made the doing of almost everything practically effortless …except exercising!
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging anyone. Shoot, I’m as guilty as most, I’m sure. I just wish it was as easy to reform as it is to realize I need to! Is there a group out there one can join to get over a “technology addiction”?
May 29th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Thanks for such a great post!
Perhaps you could have spun your situation so that if you stayed in your car so as not to abandon your wife and kids alone on a dark highway than you could be considered ‘chivalrous’ by using technology and calling AAA. On the other hand using keyless entry as an excuse to never open a door indicates to me that you aren’t as thoughtful as some guys.
Like anything it comes down to action and effort I’d say technology makes this easier to accomplish. My girlfriend knows I can push a button and make the door open so the fact that I still open it for her every once in a while makes her feel even more special and she tells me so. Rather than killing chivalry I think technology makes it even EASIER for guys to be chivalrous…. but will they?
Just my thought.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Great post! First of all I think you made the right decision to stay in the car -v- leave your wife and children alone and exposed to who knows what.
Second of all, I think we (men and women) all have allowed the comforts and expediencies of technology kill intimacy.Whether a man has a particular role to play in the courting of a woman is a different article all together.
In many parts of our lives there is a fine line between taking advantage of technology and using it as a crutch.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I don’t know that it’s just chivalry, but maybe it’s one example of what we are losing in many ways by the proliferation of “daily life” technology – the human factor. As a PR person, while I think technology is great, I always want clients to remember that at the end of every text and email and post there is a human being with feelings and the need for sensory experience. We are losing our ability to sense, feel and relate. So keep using technology, but don’t forget to actually talk to, be hands-on with and share real experiences (as opposed to just virtual) with each other for real impact. I called an editor this week about a story and I swear I thought he was going to drop his phone and that he might have forgotten how to talk on it. Today I met someone for a meeting and decided I’d send a hand written thank you note for a change. The conveniences that technology provide are good, but they aren’t ubiquitously applicable to living our lives.
May 31st, 2009 at 12:43 am
maybe Chivary just needs to be redefined. like you said technology ‘allows’ the deadbeats to be deadbeats… but what I hope will prevail is that respect will take over. respect for each other…. I love a man wanting to do for me. as I love to do for him and others. maybe if we think of respecting each other, we will forget about a kind gesture taking away our independence or intellectual equality.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:23 am
The smart man would allow technology to expand the reaches of his chivalry/courtesy, instead of allowing tech+laziness to constrict it.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:52 pm
I think after reading all the comments to my post, I have some great insight to draw on. I think the prevailing theme is that technology is certainly making our lives easier which is great, but I am going to try to conciously think about not letting it turn me into an inconsiderate person.
I appreciate Dan’s insight on “stay in the car -v- go get gas”, because it makes me feel like I did the right thing by not going to get them gas and leaving them exposed to potential danger. Thank you for rationalizing my decision!
Let’s all try to use these advances to not only make our lives better, but help the people around us to make their lives better as well!
June 11th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
One cannot kill chivalry, one need only be chivalrous. What you are really asking is what is it to be a “man”? The responsible kind would never endanger his family by neglecting to fill the tank. Step up, dear one.
June 11th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Wow… That’s a very harsh criticism SS. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but I don’t think that making a mistake makes a man irresponsible.
To err is human. I think the true measure of “a man” is how he responds to that error. In my opinion I did the right thing.